just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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