How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
