I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
