I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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