Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
