I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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