Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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