Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
