I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
