I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
