How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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