Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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