You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
