I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
