If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize