Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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