my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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