Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
