Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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