listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
