I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
