U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
