I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
