apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just google imaged poop.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
