Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
