Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
