DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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