Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
