It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
