ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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