I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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