when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
