i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
