I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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