Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
