I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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