imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
