I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
