I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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