Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
