tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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