Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
