She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
