One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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