I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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