Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
