I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
