it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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