We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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