I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
