Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
