Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
