Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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