I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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