ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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