Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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