We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
