why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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