Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
