If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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