Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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