week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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