dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
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I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
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Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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