you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
