We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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