Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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