Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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