Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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