I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
