Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
