Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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