I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
