I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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