Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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